I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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