I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
