i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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