Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
