oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
