I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
that is very illegal...i love you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
