If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
