I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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