I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
