Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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