the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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