just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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