I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
