i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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