Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it was like eating out sand paper
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
