After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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