bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
