This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
