i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
