smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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