i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
