well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
