A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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