It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
