Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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