DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize