You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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