dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Still dying that you shit outside
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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