Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
how drunk are you?
Several
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
