Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
