Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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