I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
