Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize