Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
