My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize