Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
