I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
