We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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