WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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