Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
