is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
