It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
