Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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