but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
