when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
