also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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