i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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