She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
