I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
