I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
