So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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