does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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