I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
