So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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