Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
