Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
