Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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