There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
