I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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