just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize