I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
