would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
