I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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