she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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