it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
