Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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