yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How does one acquire holy water?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
