I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
