i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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