it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
