I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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