shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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