Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
