actually, I'm a sock model
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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