with your own penis?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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