my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
