sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
