Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize