I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
