Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
