nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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