I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
