you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize