1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
