How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
