Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
