check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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