I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
