If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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