At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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