Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
