I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
