dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
