he shaved USA in his pubs
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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