I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
