drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
