I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
