2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
