Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We're too hungover to prance.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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