Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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