between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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