I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
