i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
