we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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