She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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