My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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