I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
