i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
