I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
