Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize