Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize