what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
