he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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