Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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