she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I could make wine with my vomit
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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