bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
