i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
