Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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