You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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