ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
