saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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