Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
