I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
