she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
