Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Are we still banned from the library?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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