Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
