I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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