shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
