At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
God I need to hump something, right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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