my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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