She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
