Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
