Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize