I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
