Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
