I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize