break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
