just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
