Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
