I hate your face
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
