May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
