I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
