She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's blow job season.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
