1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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