Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize